Just let me lament!

Yesterday was the 18th school shooting in 2018.

This one killed 17 people.

Some of those 18 shootings include incidents where a gun was accidentally fired on campus.  But of the remaining, I don't know the number of casualties (horrible to use that word, as if I'm talking about a war, which maybe I am!) but ANY casualty of a school shooting is one too many.

Yesterday, 17 people died in a school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, in Broward County.  This comes on the heels of the January 23rd shooting at Marshall County High School in Benton, Kentucky, where two people died and 18 were injured.  Less than a month ago.

When does this madness stop?

My son was two months old when the news broke about Columbine.  Columbine was not the first school shooting, but it was the one that seared itself into the nation's consciousness.  We now refer to "since Columbine" or "post-Columbine".

This Sunday, my son turned 19.

We have learned nothing since Columbine.

The cycle has become all too familiar:  Someone opens fire on a school campus.  Children die.  People express shock and horror.  Thoughts and prayers go out to the victims.  The arguments about gun control start.  The speculation about the shooter's motives run rampant.  Eventually, everything dies down . . . only to start up again at the next school shooting.

I am truly in despair.

I see nothing changing and nothing ever getting any better.

I have my own questions about faith, about Christianity, and that is not helping matters any at all.

Right now, I just need to lament.

We have lost our way.  We are an angry, broken country and I am just waiting for the spark that will ignite the Second Civil War.  I sometimes feel that if I express my feelings and my opinions, I am the one that will be bashed, blamed, and shamed.  I am the one that has to change.  No one else does.  A close friend posted a meme about how good people voted for Clinton and good people voted for Trump--and she got such pushback from people, including members of her own family, that it made her cry.  And I have a problem when something makes a friend of mine cry. 

And nothing changes.

Lawmakers take the microphones and the floor of the House and Senate and pontificate about the need to keep our children safe . . . and nothing changes.  Nothing.

Fifty years ago, Robert Kennedy was shot, and in the coverage of the event, several commentators spoke of the need for gun control.  (I believe a bill about gun control was in Congress at the time, June, 1968.)  Fifty years.  Half a century.  And nothing has changed.

Yes, I can speak of the need for God, I can speak of need for changed hearts, I can speak of the need for individual change, I can listen to those who talk about faith and the need for faith, I can read the Bible and listen to Christian music . . . but right now, all of that is not going to help me.

Today, I believe only one thing can really help.

Just let me lament!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

How much longer?

How much longer, Lord?

How many doctor's appointments must I schedule?

How many doctor's offices must I wait in?

How many trips to the pharmacy and prescriptions filled for meds that may or may not work?

How many medical tests?

How many more stories on the news of war, of terrorism, of hate and mistrust?

How much more arguing between Democrats, Republicans, and politicians of other ilk?

How much more mud slung between opposing viewpoints?

How much more fear to be stoked by the media?

How much more worry about children who may or may not be able to make it on their own?

How much more pain?

How much more sleeplessness?

How much more depression and anxiety?

How much longer, Lord?

How much longer?


Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

After yesterday's shootings, I am lamenting . . .

I am tired.
I am numb.
I am in grief.
And I am lamenting.

I am borrowing some words from the book of Daniel, from the book of Ezra, from the book of Habakkuk, and from my own thoughts.  For what it's worth, this is Tina's Psalm of lament:

Oh, God, I am too ashamed to lift up my head to you.  For we have acted wickedly.  We have not kept your commands to love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

I shake my fist and demand to know why the way of the wicked prospers.  And yet, I know this is not your fault.  It is the fault of us, who go our own way, ignore you, ignore what you would have us to do.  We ignore your love.  We ignore your commands.  We wish to go our own way and do things our way, what seems right in our own eyes.  We do not look to you for guidance.

My sin is great and the sin of my people, of this country, is great.  I struggle with pride, with prejudice, with judgmentalism, with believing that I am better than others.  And I struggle with believing that you will listen and answer prayers according to what is best.

We honor what is vile among men, and that is why wicked people freely strut about.

I cry out for the souls of those who were lost yesterday, for the souls that have been lost in too many shootings this year, for the souls of those who commit murder, especially those that commit murder and acts of terror and claim that it is in Your name.

I cry out for those who would heap blame on groups of people when it is only certain members of those groups that are guilty of such acts.

I cry out for those who are fleeing evil, and for those who don't want "those people" anywhere near them.

I cry out for your justice, and for your mercy, and for your action.

Please listen.  Please, if it is your will, please save this nation before it is too late.

For us who are Christians -- for me, because I claim to be Christian -- make us, make me, your hands and feet.  It is only in that way that we -- that I -- will ever be able to show the love of Christ, the love that compelled him to die for us, and the love that compels us -- that should compel me -- to love him and to serve others.

Help us not to hate.  Help us to be fearless in condeming evil, but compassionate towards those who commit the evil.  Help us to erase the hate and the prejudice.  Help us only to commit love in the name of Christ, not evil.  Help us to be prudent, and yet compassionate and fearless.

I weep.  I lament.  This is a time of lament and not of rejoicing.  It is a time of grief.  For we have sinned, for I have sinned, and we -- and I -- desperately need your forgiveness.  We -- I -- do not deserve your grace that you give as a gift to us.  But we -- but I -- need it.

I can do nothing more but throw myself upon your mercy as a compassionate and merciful God and pray, and beg, please listen.  Please act.

I know that the Lord is good, and his mercies are from generation to generation.  As angry and impatient as I get with you, and as angry as I have often been over events in my life, time and time again you have shown your mercy and your grace by granting me blessings I do not deserve, by answering prayers in spite of my attitude and my unbelief.

Your mercy is great, and you are a God of compassion.
You are holy, and cannot tolerate sin.
I grieve, I lament, for my sin; for our sins.
Father, forgive us, for we know not what we do.

In the name of Jesus, may this be so.
Amen.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.