Why did it take so long?

It took 158 women and 20 years to stop Larry Nassar.

Why did it take so long?

Why were the complaints and concerns of so many girls turned aside?

Why were they not listened to?

Why were they not taken seriously?

Why, in gymnastics especially, is there such a culture of silence around abuse?

Why is verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse tolerated in our locker rooms, in our churches, and in our schools?

Why are victims blamed when they speak up?

Why are victims told that "you need to ignore it" or "you need to stand up for yourself" or asked "why did you let them treat you that way"?

Why are victims told that "you need to forgive and let go of your anger" when a perp says, "I'm sorry," with no sign of repentance?

Why is the burden always placed on the victim?

Why are the perps never asked, "Why did you do this in the first place?

Maybe the answers to those questions are exactly why it took 158 women and 20 years to bring down just one abuser.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Too high a price

Nearly 150 women have asked to speak at the sentencing hearing of Dr. Larry Nassar, a former Olympic team doctor who pled guilty to a number of counts of sexual assault. 

Over 20 years as a team doctor at Michigan State University and also as a doctor to the United States women's gymnastics team, he sexually assaulted women under the guise of medical treatment.

(Warning:  The following sentences contain descriptions of sexual assault.)

When female athletes would visit Larry Nassar for treatment, he would often digitally penetrate them with ungloved fingers. 

Translation:  He stuck his ungloved fingers into a girl's vagina for the sole purpose of his own sexual gratification, and he did it while explaining that it was a type of medical procedure.

He did it when he was alone with them in his office.  He did it even when others were present.  He even did it in the presence of SOME PARENTS. 

(End of description)

 (This particular procedure is sometimes used with women experiencing pelvic pain.  I've had it done.  However, the person doing it was a woman, she used gloves, and explained what it was she was doing while she was doing it.)

When the girls complained, they were either told to be quiet, or they weren't taken seriously.  One victim, Kyle Stephens, even shared how, when she told her parents, they didn't believe her, and even took her back to Nassar to make her apologize to him.  It took years before her parents finally believed her.

The message they got was very clear:  Larry Nassar's reputation was more important than their well-being. 

This week, Larry Nassar's victims are finally getting a sliver of justice. 

They are coming forward, one by one, and they are detailing exactly what happened to them.

When Larry Nassar complained that listening to his victims was a form of mental cruelty, the judge listened, and then responded that he might find it harsh, but nothing was as harsh as what his victims had endured at his hands.

Not only has Kyle Stephens spoken, so has Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman.  She gave a scathing rebuke to Nassar which was reprinted the next day in the New York Times.

Raisman is not the only Olympic gymnast stating she was abused by Nassar.  Simone Biles, Gabby Douglas, Jordyn Wieber, McKayla Maroney, and others have all stated they were abused.  And serious questions about the role of the United States Olympic Committee and USA Gymnastics have arisen.  Apparently, carting home Olympic gold was more important to both organizations than the sexual abuse of their athletes.

I'm tired.  I'm tired of seeing the same song, first, second, third, fourth, and fifth verses:  Men using their power to sexually abuse women, and people stand around and do nothing.  Women aren't believed, they're told to shut up, and the culture around them stacks the deck against them. 

The United States Olympic Committee should refuse to field an Olympic women's gymnastics team until and unless USA Gymnastics cleans house, now, and puts policies in place where the number one priority is protection of the athlete.  If it means that there will be no women's gymnastics team at the next Olympics, well . . . so be it. 

When you are an athlete who has been abused, and the message given you is that you have to put up with it in the name of trophies, ribbons, and Olympic gold medals . . . that is too high a price to pay.

Simone Biles, Gabby Douglas, Aly Raisman, McKayla Maroney, Jordyn Wieber paid too high a price for Olympic glory.  The gold medals that hung around their necks are not worth the physical and emotional suffering that they have had to endure. 

The other 100+ women who have spoken against Nassar have also paid too high a price for any athletic accomplishment that they may have achieved. 

It needs to stop.

I don't know how, but this abuse needs to stop.

The price is just too high.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

No, I don't trust them . . .

I no longer trust male leaders in either the evangelical church or conservative politics.  If they don't abuse people, they support those who do.

When I put that statement out on Facebook a while back, I was told that I was "painting with a broad brush".  But it's very hard not to paint with a broad brush when you see the same story over and over and over, with variations on the same theme of sexual sin. 

The Roy Moore story is self-explanatory, and I won't go any further into its sordid details. 

In the evangelical church, you have several prominent leaders who have fallen prey to sexual sin.  I refer you to this link from an excellent blog which covers issues of abuse in the church.

The latest in the bunch?  Andy Savage, a pastor in Memphis, Tennessee, whose sexual assault of a 17-year-old member of his youth group just went public. 

Bloggers Dee Parsons and Wanda (Deb) Martin published this story last week on their blog, The Wartburg Watch.  (Warning:  There is graphic, possible triggering content in this story and a graphic description of sexual activity in my paragraphs below.)

In the early spring of 1998, when Jules Woodson was 17, she was a member of the youth group at Woodlands Parkway Baptist Church (now known as StoneBridge Church) in The Woodlands, Texas (a suburb of Houston).  Andy Savage was 23 and her youth minister.

One evening, he offered to drive her home from youth group.  But when he drove past the turnoff he was supposed to take to bring her home, she asked what he was doing and he said something like, "you'll see".

She thought he was taking her for ice cream.

Instead, he drove her to a deserted, heavily wooded area, unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis, and told her to perform oral sex on him.  She was scared and embarrassed, but she did as she was told.  He then asked her to unbutton her shirt.  She did.  He touched her breasts both over and under her bra.

And then he jumped out of the truck, raced over to her side, and started saying, "What I have done?  I'm so sorry.  Jules, you can't tell anyone.  You have to take this to the grave with you."

He took her home after that.

She ended up telling her senior pastor, Larry Cotton. 

The first question he asked was, "So you're telling me you participated?"

Her heart sank to the floor, and she felt a wave of shame and guilt.

Except for confiding in members of her female discipleship group, she told no one until recently, when a friend asked her what had happened back then. 

Andy Savage is now a pastor at Highpoint Church Memphis.  This past Sunday, he publicly admitted to a "sexual incident" that happened 20 years ago. 

The result?

His congregation gave him a standing ovation.

Andy Savage committed a crime.  Because the statute of limitations has run out, he will never be held legally accountable for what he did to Jules Woodson.  This was not a "sexual incident" where both parties were willing participants.  This was a crime, sexual assault, that was committed against a teenage girl.  This was not a "mistake" or just simply a "sin" that deserved a standing ovation for Savages' "repentance".  This was a crime.

For anyone who asks, why didn't she report it?  She did.  She told her senior pastor. 

Why didn't she go to the police?  Well, in many churches, people are encouraged--read "told"--to handle such problems in-house and NOT go to the police.  In fact, several years ago, when a Church of Christ minister and his wife discovered that their son had been raped by a church member, they did go to the police--and some members of their congregation wanted to know why they couldn't "work it out" with a fellow brother in Christ.  (That "fellow brother in Christ" ended up murdering the minister's wife and child.)

Since this story broke, reaction has been swift.  Bethany House Publishers canceled a book that Savage wrote on marriage.  KLOVE, the Christian broadcasting group, dropped him from a cruise he was scheduled to participate in.  And the national news has picked up Jules Woodson's story. 

If this were just an isolated incident of one minister, I wouldn't be so angry.  But this story comes in the midst of #metoo allegations from Hollywood and from politics.  It also comes after reading "same song, second, third, fourth, etc." verse from so many who are considered leaders in evangelical culture. 

So, to those who say that I paint with a broad brush, I'll just give you the same answer I gave at the beginning of this article:

No, I don't trust them.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Me, too, it looks like . . .

A friend of mine and I were discussing the #metoo posts on social media this week.  #Metoo was meant to show that "I, too, was a victim of sexual harassment/assault."  The campaign started as a result of the allegations against Harvey Weinstein, accused of sexually harassing women over a 30-year period.

At first, I'd posted, "Not me, but I support the ones who say #metoo."

I said that because I've never been raped.  Nor have I ever been victimized by a male boss or coworker demanding sexual favors as a condition of employment.

But I did share with her an experience I had in the eighth grade.

A boy classmate tried to force a ring on my finger in class one day.  I nearly twisted my finger trying not to accept it.  Somehow, it ended up in my purse.  When he demanded it back on a later date, I looked for it and couldn't find it.

I told my friend about that incident and she asked, where was the teacher?  (I don't know; and that is a good question.)

She said, that was assault at the very least.

And then I shared a remark the same boy made on another occasion: "Your little sister drinks milk from your breasts, doesn't she?"

I'd said, "I don't have a little sister."

The implications of that statement didn't hit me until years later:  what he was basically saying was that I had a baby that was young enough to be a "little sister." 

My friend said, okay, THAT I would classify as sexual harassment. 

While writing this, I thought of something else:  while working in an inner-city school library, I told a student to leave the library because he didn't have a hall pass.  In response,  he thrust his crotch at me and said, "That's my pass."

I guess that could be interpreted as a threat of sexual assault.  (I left that job after three months.)

So . . . I'll throw in my #metoo. 

The number of #metoos I've seen on my social media feed this week is saddening and sickening; and there are women who could have posted, "me, too" and didn't because they didn't feel comfortable.

And there are men who could have posted #metoo as well.

When we let harassers off with "kids will be kids, suck it up and deal with it," when we do wink-wink, nudge-nudge while discussing certain attitudes of people; and most of all, when we make people feel guilty and ashamed for speaking up, we create the exact climate where #metoo flourishes.

And then we wonder why so many #metoos show up in our social media feed.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.