"Hurt"

It is a powerful, terrifying, heartbreaking song, and right now I am afraid to listen to it again.

It is Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt", written by Trent Reznor and originally recorded by Nine Inch Nails.

I've heard about the song, I've heard about its acclaim, its reception, but I never heard the song until today. 

It came up in one of my Spotify playlists, one of those Spotify makes for you based on stuff you've played in the past.  Probably, "Hurt" came up because I've played a couple of country/pop songs on Spotify before.  I saw on the playlist and thought about playing it, but decided not to.  

But after playing a few songs while doing some prep work for a proofing job, "Hurt" came on as the next song in the queue.  

And I froze.  

I think it may have been the first line:  "I hurt myself today to see if I still hurt" that got me.  

And during the chorus, when Cash laments about what he'd become and how everyone he knew went away in the end . . . and the guitar chords in the background of the chorus crescendo slowly, louder, louder, more emphatic.  

The song has ended, and I cannot bring myself to put on another one.  I thought about putting on another happy song, something to get this one out of my head . . . and how can I?  Because doing it, looking for something light, peppy, happy . . . it seems somehow disrespectful to the pain and the anguish of both Johnny Cash and Trent Reznor.  Putting on a happy tune says, "Go away, go away, I don't want to feel you right now; I don't want to face the sadness, the uncomfortableness; I don't want to face the fact that heartbreak and fear and sadness and depression exist."  

Pushing the feelings away, masking them with something upbeat and happy, it somehow seems wrong, disrespectful, almost sacreligious, as if I am blaspheming something sacred.  

The music has ended and right now I cannot put on music.  

Because all I can hear is Johnny Cash, in his gravelly voice.  

"I hurt myself today to see if I still hurt."

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.