Turn me inside out

Yesterday I had two incidents where the outside me did not match the inside me. 

Both of them involved a phone call and a computer. 

I noticed on my schedule yesterday that I was supposed to have a physical therapy appointment at 4 p.m. However, the PT place is very good about giving me a recorded reminder call two days in advance and I had not gotten a call.

So, I played it smart and called ahead. 

The answer I got was, no, you don't have an appointment scheduled for today. (Whew, saved myself a trip.)

Then I asked, can you check and see if I have anything else scheduled? 

This is where the outside me didn't match the inside me. 

The woman tried to check the schedule and her computer was running slow.  

VERY slow. 

In fact, it was running so slow that she said, "Can I call you back once I find the information?"

Outside, I was sympathetic. After all, it is not her fault that her system was acting up.

Inside, I was muttering to myself about "this shouldn't be taking this long!" 

Fortunately, the computer gave her the answer right before I hung up: no, I didn't have anything scheduled; yes, the PT had something tomorrow; did I want it?

I said yes, got scheduled, and hung up. (The appointment was today and I was worked hard.) 

Phone call #2 was concerning a medication that I needed.

Once again, slow computer struck again. 

And again, outside, I was sympathetic because again, it was not the woman's fault that her computer was not working properly.

Inside, I was going, "mutter mutter mutter", like Muttley from the old Wacky Races cartoon. 

After the medication situation was straightened out and I hung up, I thought, I can talk and act wonderfully on the outside. But I can complain, whine, and mutter on the inside. 

I want to get to the point where what I am saying and doing outside is a true reflection of who I am inside. Right now, I know I can talk the talk and act the act of a Christian. And while what I say and what I do as a Christian is important, I want the inside to match the outside. 

And that means, at least to me, not necessarily asking God to help me -- that I do what I can and ask God to give me the "boost" I need to put me "over the top", so to speak -- but asking God, please do in me what I can't do in and of myself. And that means an inside change, not just a change in what I say and what I do.

I'm reminded of a song we haven't sung in church in a while, "Inside Out".  Here's the chorus:

So turn me inside out
So that I can be
A reflection of the One who made me.
So the world can see
That it's Christ in me 
Lord turn me inside out
Turn me inside out.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.