This is normal?

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

I read that statement two nights ago while scrolling through Twitter and was astonished at my absolute visceral reaction of rage to it.

That sentence comes from a new forward to Joan Ryan's book Little Girls In Pretty Boxes, which details the toxic environment that gymnasts and figure skaters are too often subjected to.  American gymnast Jamie Dantzscher, who wrote the new forward, describes the verbal and emotional abuse she endured while training for the Olympic Games.  She made the women's gymnastics team for the 2000 Olympic Games, they placed fourth overall . . . and were made to feel like complete failures.  She trained with numerous injuries and when she told her coaches that she was hurt, they didn't believe her. 

She was also one of the over 200 women abused by Dr. Larry Nassar, and one of the first to file a civil lawsuit against him. 

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

I've never been sexually abused.  But I know where my visceral reaction of rage came from. 

It came from the fact that the abuse I suffered--the abuse from being bullied and from being spiritually abused--was absolutely normalized.

The bullied are told, like I was, that they should just "ignore it" or "tell an adult" or "stand up to them" or "it's just part of life, suck it up and get over it" or "they do it because they're jealous of you" or "they just have low self-esteem and this is the way they build themselves up" and, if the victims are Christians, they are told, "forgive them and turn the other cheek".  They are also told that "no one likes a tattletale or a snitch" and "if you fight back, you will be the one punished and the bullies will not be".

In the meantime, the pushes and shoves, the gossip and the embarrassing questions, the blocking in the hallway and the torment in gym class go on and on.

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

The spiritually abused are told, "we are the only ones with the truth" or "if you leave us, you leave God" or "The Bible says to rebuke others when they sin" or "You need to be held accountable" or "The Bible says you need to be bold in sharing your faith" or "They're your leaders and you must submit to them, even if they are ungodly" or "When you get married, you can't leave your husband even if he beats you" or "If you don't show up to every single meeting of 'the body' you are uncommitted and in danger of falling away". 

The spiritually abused are expected to put up with harsh sermons, blasting, yelling, orders to "push through" exhaustion and illness, and questioned as to why they didn't get up early in the morning to have a 'quiet time', why they didn't invite anyone to church that day, why they struggle so much with depression, why can't you just repent of your sin and move on?

Yesterday I asked myself the question, what is normal faith?

I understand that Christianity is counter-culture by its very nature.  I follow a man who claimed to be God and whose followers claim that he died and he was raised from the dead.  His followers taught that we needed to love one another and not repay evil for evil.  In an environment where the emperor was worshiped as God, they were taught to honor the emperor but confess Jesus as Lord and worship him only.  In today's culture of "tolerance" and "there are many ways to get to God", Jesus says that no one comes to the Father except through him.  If you want to be popular with the "in crowd", Christianity is not the way to go. 

But is normal faith being told that you have to walk up to strangers on the street, or go up to every cashier you meet, and invite them to church, otherwise, you are disobeying God's command to be bold? 

Does normal faith involve putting up with the advances of a leader because "he's your leader and you have to submit"? 

Is normal faith attending every single gathering of a body of believers even when you are exhausted down to the bone marrow and can barely put one foot in front of the other? 

In normal faith, is "forgiveness" defined as, "I say I'm sorry, you say I forgive you, and we both pretend it never happened?" in cases of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse?

What is normal faith?  There are times I just don't know. 

When abuse of all kinds is normalized, not just sexual abuse on a grand scale can happen, but any kind of abuse:  bullying, spiritual abuse, emotional/verbal abuse between spouses or between boss/employee or any kind of leader/follower. 

It is time for us to stop normalizing abuse.  Bullying is not to be normalized.  Neither is sexual abuse.  Neither is spiritual abuse. 

It should never be normal for someone to go to school and be afraid that their lunch will be stolen, that they will be gossiped about, that they will be pushed and shoved in the hallways . . . and it should never be normal that when they tell an adult, the adult won't believe them.

It should never be normal for someone to be tense around other Christians because they're afraid of being rebuked for not inviting a large number of people to church or Bible study.  Or, for not living up to the standard that the leader has set. 

Abuse is not normal.  And it never should be.

Not in any environment.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.