Expectations

Last year, a page I follow posted a link to this article about chronic illnesses, commenting:  "the expectations of modern society are so extreme, no wonder so many people have chronic illnesses."

I follow that particular page because I have interstitial cystitis (just think, chronic bladder pain), along with possible adrenal fatigue, back pain, and sleep apnea; not to mention depression and OCD.

Can I be honest here?

I feel the extreme expectations as a woman from both sides of the aisle, from secular and Christian sides.

On the secular side:

"Gotta have that career.  It's all about the career.  You can't depend on a man, nor should you.  So you gotta have that degree, gotta have that career.  But that career can only be a STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) profession, or a glass-ceiling shattering executive or politician.  After all, your foremothers sacrificed everything for the rights and opportunities you now take for granted.  So how dare you be a traitor to the sisterhood by taking a traditionally feminized job such as teacher, librarian, court reporter, secretary, office assistant, or nurse!  And forget about being a waitress or in similar "pink-collar" jobs.  It's a slap in the face to the sisterhood who fought so hard for your rights and your opportunities.

"Okay, if you feel like you have to have a man, we'll cut you some slack.  But only a little bit.  Because you know, it's all about that career and being independent and taking care of yourself.  After all, that man might leave you someday.  So you have to show that you can stand on your own two feet!  In fact, if you absolutely feel like you have to have someone, go find another woman.  They'll treat you better than men will!

"You want children?  You want to have your own children?  Okay, again, maybe we'll cut you some slack there.  But remember, it's all about that career!  You don't want to be on the 'mommy track', do you?  So if you absolutely have to have those kids, all right, have them . . . but remember, it's all about the career.  So take your six weeks maternity leave and then get back in the office.  Put the kids in day care.  Or hire a nanny. Even better, make him stay home with the baby!

"Or, even better, if you absolutely have to have kids, go adopt.  There's so many kids who need loving homes.

"While you're working on that career, you gotta stay healthy.  Gotta join that gym, take that spin class, do Zumba.  Gotta eat healthy.  Fresh, whole, unprocessed food -- but make sure it's organic, locally sourced, non-GMO, antibiotic-free, hormone-free, grass-fed, free-range, and fair trade.  How dare you contribute to the exploitation of workers all over the world!

"And above all, women must.be.STRONG.  Because hey, strength is the new beauty, you know?  If you go through a trauma in your life and don't come out STRONG on the other end, something is wrong with you."

Then, on the Christian side:

"Gotta have that family.  It's all about the family.  Okay, we'll accept that you may have to work when you're single, because you do have to earn a living.  But once you get married, it's all about the husband.  You know, that wonderful man you should have been praying for since you were a child?  The one that God has hand-picked for you?

"Your job is to be a submissive wife and serve him.  Okay, maybe in this day and age both of you have to work, but it's really better that you don't, that you devote your time to the care of the home and to your husband.

"And kids?  Of course, you're going to have kids.  Birth control?  Nope, no pill because the pill prevents implantation of a fertilized egg, and that's the same thing as having an abortion.  The only acceptable method of contraception is the rhythm method.  Your womb is God's, give it to Him.  If you're capable of having children and you choose not to, you are flat out selfish and you are denying a potential child the opportunity for salvation.  Where are the next generation of Christians going to come from if the Christians do not reproduce?

"Once you have those kids, stop working.  You can't successfully juggle a job and kids too.  Because remember, it's all about the family.  You need to stay home and take care of those kids.  What, you say you feel unfulfilled by cooking and changing diapers and wiping noses all day?  How selfish!  Because remember, it's all about the family.  And mothers are on the hook for the first few years of a child's life.  Yeah, dads are important, but it's the moms who are on the hook.  You have to breast-feed and make your baby food from scratch and use cloth diapers.

"Hope you're planning to homeschool all those kids.  Because the public -- excuse me, 'government' -- school system is godless and pushes an agenda.  Besides, parents are supposed to be their children's primary teachers.  It's their responsibility to train their children in the 'nurture and admonition of the Lord'.  So how dare you palm that off of anyone else!

"Okay, if you absolutely have to send your kids to school, it better be Christian or private.  But under no circumstances do you send your kids to a godless public school where you can't pray and where God isn't allowed.  Can't afford it?  God will provide!  You just need to make the sacrifices!

"But your number one priority, after God, should be your family.  You need to be the first one up in the mornings, and the very first thing you need to do is to have your 'quiet time', and it had better be a good one.  It needs to teach you more about God or convict you of your sin.  When you say your prayers, it better not be about you and your needs because that's selfish.  You need to be saying those prayers for other people because they need it!

"By the time the family comes down for breakfast, it needs to be on the table.  Then you need to kiss your husband goodbye and get ready for the day.  The house must be kept clean and tidy, and the children must be well-behaved and obedient.  If they're not?  Discipline them, which means 'spank them'.

"You must keep yourself attractive for your husband.  No frumpiness, and no gaining weight.  Make sure you have dinner ready when husband comes home.  Put on makeup and a nice dress.  Greet him with a smile and let him complain because he's had a hard day, harder than yours.  He's the king of the castle, and when he comes home, you need to remember that the king is home!

"When he wants sex, you'd better drop everything and do it.  'No' is not an option.  Because if you don't give him what he needs, he's going to find someone else who will.  You don't want that, do you?  Bascially, if you don't keep yourself attractive and give him sex whenever he wants, he'll leave you for another woman.

"And above all, women must.be. quiet, gentle, and submissive, not just to their husbands, but to all men.  Because hey, women were created as the 'helpmeet' for men.  They are the support people.  They stay in the background and make sure men can do what God created them to do!"

Just writing this has made me exhausted. I feel as if I can't be a "real woman" without meeting the expectations I wrote about secular women; but I also feel that I can't be a "real Christian woman" without meeting the expectations I wrote about them.
Is there anyone else who feels the way I do?

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.