Is this what forgiveness means?

"Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." Or, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

No matter which way you translate it in the Lord's Prayer, forgiveness is a core doctrine of Christianity.

We're told to "forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13), and even Jesus himself, on the cross, prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

When the Apostle Peter asked, "How many times should I forgive my brother? Up to seven times?" Jesus' answer -- depending on your translation -- was either "seventy-seven times" or "seventy times seven." 

In other words, if I am to call myself a follower of Christ, I cannot withhold forgiveness.  I cannot refuse to forgive someone who has hurt me or harmed me.  I admit, I often ask God, "Do I have to?" (like a six-year-old would sound) and the answer is always, "Yes." 

"Forgive," and "Do not worry," are the two commands I probably struggle with the most as a Christian. I have dealt with my share of wrongdoing, and while I do believe there are people I have forgiven, I'm not sure if the forgiveness process is complete in other areas. I don't think I have yet forgiven everyone who bullied me in school or the leaders who were spiritually abusive in college. And I'm not sure if I've forgiven mistakes my parents have made in raising me. Although now that I have a child, I find myself remembering a quote from Ray Romano: "The older I get, the more I feel the need to apologize to my mother."  My parents were human, as I am, and I believe they tried their best. There were areas I did not make that easy for them.

Here's what bugs me about the subject of forgiveness, though; or rather, the way some teachers of the Bible handle it. 

This is a version of a Facebook comment I made today. It is snarky, sarcastic, and somewhat facetious, and I admit it is extreme. I made it in response to this link to an article by preacher and abuse advocate Jimmy Hinton. His father, a Church of Christ preacher, is currently serving a lifetime prison sentence for the sexual abuse of children.  

When we Christians talk about "forgiveness", I sometimes think that what we mean is that we want the offended party to instantly forgive. Instant forgiveness means that if they say they're sorry, you say, "I've already forgiven you," and you go on as if nothing happened. That's what Jesus did with our sins, didn't He? He forgave us and he's forgotten our sins. Shouldn't we do the same?

If it's a crime against a victim who happens to be a Christian, again, I think what certain Christians want is for the victim to, again, instantly forgive the offender, stand up for them in court and support them, offer to serve the offender's sentence in his place, "because Jesus did that for me when He died on the cross.  He took my punishment so I wouldn't have to serve it." The victim should write to the offender regularly, telling them about how much God loves them. Perhaps the victim should even visit the offender regularly in prison, to show how much they have forgiven and to show how much God loves them. "If God can give me forgiveness for you, just think how much He loves you and wants to forgive you!"

When the offender gets out of prison, the victim should offer to let them live in their own home; because aren't we supposed to go the extra mile? Aren't we supposed to offer hospitality? 

If the offender is not a Christian, the victim will be the one to convert them.

If the offender is a Christian, the victim will be the one to bring the lost sheep home. 

Then they will both go before the church with the wonderful testimony about how God worked through all of that to enable the two of them to become best friends, and the victim will say, "If I had the choice, I'd go through it all again, because look at what God brought out of it!  Isn't God good?" 

Who knows? They might even team up with a famous author, get their story written and made into a Christian movie!

Okay, my snarkiness is over. 

There are cases where a Christian is sinned against, grieviously, and God has given them the strength to forgive the person who hurt them. I have heard of at least one case where -- if I remember the details correctly -- a drunk driver killed a Christian's child. That Christian was eventually able to forgive the driver and develop a relationship with them. 

Like I said before, if I am going to be a follower of Christ, forgiveness is mandatory. I cannot claim to follow Christ and hold grudges or animosity towards people who have hurt me. 

But letting go of those grudges, or the pain of a wrongdoing done against them, is not immediate. It can take years, sometimes decades. It took me two decades to forgive someone from high school who hurt me. No, it should not have taken that long, but it did. And there are hurts and grudges from childhood that yes, I admit, I still struggle to turn over to God and to let His justice work.

And in some cases of abuse, such as what Jimmy Hinton describes, it is absolutely not healthy for the victim to be around the offender. In cases of sexual abuse, it takes years of therapy with a competent therapist to get past the hurt and the damage that was done. 

It seems that in cases of abuse, nearly all of the expectation is placed on the victim to forgive. Sometimes the victim is even asked, how did you contribute to the situation? The victim is expected to quickly forgive because Jesus quickly forgave. There's one difference, though:  Jesus is the Son of God, He is perfect, and He had that ability to quickly forgive. Victims are not the Son of God. Yes, I believe in forgiveness; I believe people who have been wronged need to forgive . . . but true forgiveness has to be on the victim's timetable and not on the timetable we think it ought to be.

And where is the equal expectation for the offender to repent? Where is the equal expectation for the offender to say, "I'm sorry I hurt you," name the specific ways in which he/she harmed the victim, make restitution if possible, and show the fruits of true repentance?  Maybe one of those fruits is to honor the victim's wish to have no contact with them. 

I write this as an imperfect Christian who struggles to forgive and who prays often, "God, help me forgive.  Sometimes I don't want to but I know You command it of me. Help me." 

But does forgiveness mean that you immediately say "I forgive you," that you never, ever think about it again, and that you treat the offender as if the offense never happened? 

Maybe, in some cases, that above statement is exactly what you should do.

Maybe, in some cases, that above statement is exactly what you should not do.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

A hero's death, a heroine's life

Today will be the funeral of a hero.

It should also be a salute to a heroine.

On June 24, I opened my Facebook feed and braced myself for the posts both celebrating and decrying the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

Instead, I found at the top of my feed a post from Hayley Waldron, saying that her husband Harrison had died. Harrison's parents attended my church for several years. They've been missionaries both in Mexico and now in Honduras.

Harrison was 30. Hayley is 29.

They were married in 2014, right out of college, and at the time, I thought, "Isn't Harrison a little young to be getting married?"  (Bear in mind, I was a week shy of 30 when I got married. :-) )

Fourteen months after their marriage, on August 14, 2015, Harrison and Hayley took a trip for a friend's wedding.  While there, Harrison was involved in an ATV accident that left him with a devastating brain injury. At the time, Harrison's parents posted that they needed a miracle from God.

I'm sure the miracle everyone would have liked would have been for Harrison to be totally, physically healed. 

God, in His sovereignty, did not grant that miracle.

Instead, He gave us two people that showed the world around them, this is how you faithfully follow Christ in the midst of severe trial and hardship. 

Harrison would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair and would communicate with an iPad. Through that iPad, he would tell Hayley that he loved her. 

Hayley would spend the rest of Harrison's life loving him well. 

She also went back to school and became a nurse. 

I don't know if Harrison and Hayley would refer to themselves as "heroes". 

But there are those who, in their circumstances, would retreat into themselves and build up a wall of self-pity and resentment. (I know myself well enough to know that I'd be tempted to do just that.) 

From what I read of Harrison and Hayley, they did not do that. 

Yes, they had their struggles. They had struggles that many young couples do not have: health struggles, financial struggles, a struggle to find a niche when their lives turned upside down. 

They also had a God who did not leave them and whom they would not leave. 

Harrison endured to the end. I believe that when God saw him, he told him, "Well done, good and faithful servant." That's why I call him a hero.

Hayley, his partner in life, held true to her vow to be faithful "till death us do part". She exercised her faithfulness in her doing for Harrison and in her love for him. That's why I call her a heroine.

Today, Harrison will be laid to rest. His family and his friends will speak of him, tell memories of his life, and say goodbye. 

Today, Hayley begins her journey without her husband. She will cry at times and maybe she will even be angry at God and shake her fist at Him. 

And I also believe that she will remember the faithfulness of God.

So as we remember a hero today, let's also remember the heroine. 

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Pastor, go Locke your mouth up!

The First Amendment of the United States Constitution guarantees the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion.

On January 23, 2022, Pastor Greg Locke, preacher at the Global Vision Bible Church in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, abused both of those rights.

He preached a sermon, Desperate For Deliverance, that grabbed attention because of a comment he made about autism.

After reading a transcript of that comment, I was furious.

(Content warning: From here on out, I will be mentioning offensive comments related to both autism and mental illness; as well as some background information on Greg Locke. Please use appropriate self-care if you choose to read further.)

This is not the first time Locke has been in the news. In July of 2020, Locke stated his refusal to wear a mask, calling masks "gags."

In January, 2018, he announced his divorce from his wife Melissa. That August, the Christian Post wrote  that he'd married his church assistant.    

Locke claimed that she divorced him. The Pulpit and Pen blog paints a different picture, saying that she withdrew divorce papers she'd filed, and then Locke filed for divorce. 

Dee Parsons, writer at The Wartburg Watch blog, posted in 2020 about an angry encounter he had with a Dunkin Donuts employee when he refused to wear a mask inside. A YouTube video that went along with that blog entry has since been removed for violating YouTube's terms of service.

In order to determine the context of his "autism" comment, I found the YouTube video of that January 23 sermon. The comments on that particular video are turned off.

The sermon begins at 23:09 on the video. His main text is Jeremiah 8:11, the King James Version: "For they have healed the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly."

From then on, he talks mostly about spirits, especially spirits of oppression. At 40:41, he refers to Isaiah 61:3, talks about swapping the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, and quips, "you don't need the pills, you need the Gos-pill."

Around 48:38, it becomes Locke's opinion that what we think of as being possessed by a demon, as in the movie The Exorcist, is not what the Bible teaches. He then explains that the word "possessed" isn't in the Bible in the Greek; rather, the Greek word actually means "demonized," and then says that yes, even Christians can be demonized. 

At 58:43, he begins the section that contains the comments about autism. I've transcribed the next few minutes from the YouTube video:  

"We know so few people, if any, that are totally surrendered.  Why? Because they've always got some tic about them. They've always got something about them they just can't get over. They have a compulsory about them. You know, if you'll study evil spirits, you'll find they compel you to do things that you would not normally do. Not even wicked things. Here's what we say.  Now don't get mad at me, I'm talking. We say things like this:  "Well, I've just got OCD."  You know why you do things that are out of the ordinary over and over and over and it ticks you off if it's not done?  Because you have a spirit of oppression, that's why. You ain't got OCD. I knew a chick that used to wash her hands every five minutes all day long when she was awake until she literally washed skin off of her hands.  Saved.  Loved God. Baptized.  Read the Bible. Went to church. Fasted. Prayed. You going to tell me that's natural?  That's supernatural oppression, is what that is, and she needs deliverance.

"And a lot of times, what we call stuff, it makes us feel better because it's the medical term, not the Bible term. Look. I'm telling you, this is real. We've been all over this, haven't we, baby? We've been studying it. Look.  Do not, do not jump up right now and rebuke me for what I'm about to say. But I've read the Bible too much to worry about what you think. Did you know that on three occasions -- we're going to go through all of them, not today, thank God.  On three occasions, kids were brought to Jesus, not of their own will or their own volition but by their parents, that had epileptic fits. Anger issues, outbursts of emotion. And because we've called it possession, parents refuse to deal with it. "Are you telling me my kid's possessed?" No, I'm telling you your kid could be demonized and attacked, but your doctor calls it autism.(emphasis mine, TAS) I don't care if you stand or not.  I don't care if you leave or not. I'm telling you, there is deliverance in the name of Jesus Christ for your children! And their children's children! There's deliverance in that! Ain't no such diagnosis in the Bible! Jesus cast out that oppressive spirit and the child was made whole that very hour, the Bible says! That very hour.  That's what the Bible says. Now, I'm just figuring all this stuff out so don't quote me on everything I'm saying. I'm just saying, quote me on everything I'm saying.  

I stopped there.

I'm offended on two points.  One, I have OCD. (Mine manifests itself by intrusive thoughts.) Two, my son is autistic.

So, Pastor Locke, you are telling me that those with the diagnosis of autism and those with the diagnosis of OCD only need deliverance from oppressive spirits and the "gos-pill"?

No, what you need are several hours' -- or days' -- worth of conversation with autistics, parents of autistics, and sufferers of OCD who have heard it all; that they are crazy, they should be ashamed of themselves for their thoughts and rituals, and that autistic children just have bad parents who don't discipline them.

Believe me, by the time you finish with those people -- or rather, by the time they finish with you -- you will be the one needing deliverance!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Forty years

Forty years ago today, I took a splash of faith.

After reading the Bible and studying with two women, I was baptized at the University Church of Christ on November 11, 1981.  I was 18.

I grew up religious. I attended the Baptist church with my family. Around the age of eight, I went forward and "prayed the prayer" with a very nice older woman who'd asked me, "Did you come to be saved?" 

We had all stood up and "gone forward" that particular day. I vaguely remember an older gentleman coming to the house and talking with us; my grandmother also told me much later that "your mother asked, do you understand what this means? And you said, yes."

I think my parents went forward because they wanted to place membership at that particular church. 

The next week, my sister and I were both baptized. I told the preacher my name and he said, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."

I started reading the Bible daily after a Pioneer Girls leader challenged me to read a verse every night. I thought, "I can do better than that, I can read a chapter every night!"

I prayed daily, read the Bible daily, tried to live a Christian life. 

So why get involved with a Church of Christ? Why get baptized again?

Well, for one thing, if I understand Acts 2:38 correctly, we're to be baptized for the forgiveness of our sins. I was not. 

Number two, if this was what God said, then yes, I wanted to do what God said.

Finally, and honestly . . . I was afraid of going to hell.

So I did it.

I didn't know at that time that the church I'd been baptized into was considered a cult. Or, at the very least, controversial. 

The church I was part of was also part of a network of churches loosely associated with the Crossroads Church of Christ in Gainesville, Florida. They had a school of preaching and sent out preachers to other churches.  Crossroads had had great success with reaching their community, particularly college students. They used a variety of methods such as small group Bible studies and prayer partners, or discipleship partners. They encouraged people to turn away from their sins and to lead a life pleasing to God. They encouraged people to study their Bibles daily, pray daily, have close relationships with other Christians, confess their sins to other Christians, and share their faith with non-Christians.

None of those things are bad in and of themselves.

What happened at Crossroads and at other Crossroads-related churches was that these very good things became a method of control. The "prayer partner" relationship, instead of the one-on-one discipling method it was supposed to be, became a one-over-one relationship, with, "I'm the older Christian, so you need to do what I tell you," It also became a session where you were asked, "What are you studying in your quiet time (a period of daily prayer and Bible study)?" "What sins have you committed that you need to confess?" "How many people have you shared your faith with?" If you weren't having a "quiet time", why weren't you? If you weren't sharing your faith, why not? If you weren't having visitors at our weekly Bible studies (designed to attract non-Christians), why weren't you?

That term, "sharing your faith," really meant "inviting people to church, including total strangers." The more people you invited to church, and the more visitors you had at events, the more spiritual you were considered. And if those people you studied with were baptized into Christ, they were considered your "fruit" and you were considered to have "borne fruit". And the more people you lead to Christ, the more spiritual you are considered.

I have heard of at least one person who made it their goal to "share their faith" with every person they made eye contact with. Another person vowed to fast until they shared their faith . . . and fasted for eight days.

Groups of Christians that met together weekly as "discipleship groups" became meetings where you were asked "how many people have you invited to church this week? How many people are you studying the Bible with? If not, why not?" 

I learned much good during my years in Tallahassee, I learned ways to actually study the Bible, not just read it. I learned the value of Christian relationships. I learned that it was okay to pray and tell God how you felt, not just, "Dear God, thank you for this day, please be with everyone, in Jesus' name I pray, Amen."  I enjoyed going out on dates and getting to know other guys. 

But after five years in Tallahassee, I was exhausted and burned out, spiritually. The things that were meant to be good were vicious and controlling. Leaders became controlling and angry when they felt that you were not measuring up. After the last group Bible study I attended before I graduated from college ended, I felt a vast sense of relief that I would never have to worry about inviting someone to Bible study ever again. 

This is not the way to live a Christian life, riddled with guilt that you hadn't "done enough" and riddled with fear that someone would rebuke you -- sometimes very harshly -- for not inviting enough people to church events, or for not having a daily "quiet time", or basically, for not living the way they thought you should live. I had a prayer partner one time who walked into my dorm room, had a conversation with me and my roommate, and then at the end asked us, "Have you thought about rearranging your room?" I got rather ticked off and told her that we'd arranged the room the way it was because we only had two electrical outlets and were trying to get our stuff in a place so we could plug in what we needed to plug in. 

I deliberately moved to another church that had been part of the Crossroads movement. The church I moved to, I'd heard they taught grace, and I badly needed it. Right at the time I got there, in 1987, the Crossroads movement morphed into the Boston Movement. Chuck Lucas, the preacher at Crossroads, was fired for "recurring sins" in his life. One of his proteges, Kip McKean, was then preaching at the Boston Church of Christ.  Kip is bold and charismatic in his preaching, and he took over as the de facto leader of the Crossroads movement. He and the leaders under him began visiting churches, "encouraging" (i.e. practically ordering) the pastor to move to Boston for additional training, and then sending a replacement preacher in. At least two churches I'm aware of, one in Atlanta, the other in Tampa, split as a result of the actions by people from Boston.

My church, in Miami, refused to be taken over . . . so people from Boston planted a new church in Miami. At the same time, my church was having serious financial problems. So, in 1989, the solution the leaders came up with was to start meeting in independent house churches. It was sold to us mostly as "this is the way the early church met". There were those who decided not to go that route and went to other churches. I went the route of the house churches. 

The idea of an independent house church looks good on paper: having a small group of believers meeting weekly and sharing what they've learned, praying together, helping those who are struggling, etc. I think there's a lot we can learn from a house church movement. But we did house churches as a direct result of the abuse we'd experienced at the hands of Crossroads/Boston, and I think that was a mistake. We were so desperate to get away from what we called legalism that we went 180 degrees in the opposite direction. 

By 1993, I was engaged to be married, and my father was ill with ALS. He would die four weeks before my wedding. 

Right before we got married, I told my now-husband, "The house churches are not working. We need to get out."

It took a year, but we eventually did get out. I took a job in Atlanta, and my husband and I moved and went back to a traditional church setting. We've been there since 1994, and while the place has had its ups and downs and turnarounds, I know that churches are not perfect and I believe the place we're at is doing the best it can. I believe our leaders love God, and they do not try to preach a "formula" for a perfect Christian life. 

Where am I, after 40 years? 

I call myself an imperfect follower of a perfect God. If someone asks, are you a Christian, I will gladly answer, "Yes." I struggle at times with believing God loves me. I wonder about what is literally true in the Bible and what is allegorical. I get very frustrated with "Scripture wars"; such as, "Acts 2:38 says you have to be baptized in order to be saved," "Oh, yeah! Well, I'll see your Acts 2:38 and raise you an Ephesians 2:8, where it says you're saved by grace!" And I can name more and more. 

And yet . . . if God exists, if Jesus of Nazareth was God in the flesh, who is the perfect, sinless sacrifice for us, if he did rise from the dead and go back to heaven, and if the Bible is true . . . that Bible says that God is love, and that God so loved the world. That means me. 

I don't understand a lot about God. I don't understand why evil and pain exist, especially when innocents are the victims of that evil and pain. I don't understand certain parts of the Bible where God commanded the complete destruction of a people, including men, women, and children. I don't understand why some prayers get answered "yes" and why some prayers get answered "no". 

There are also the questions I've seen people ask, such as, "Was the world created in six literal, 24-hour days?" "Can women lead/preach, etc. to both men and women?" "Is homosexuality a sin?" "Is there a  hell with a literal lake of fire? Does everyone get to go to heaven? Or are non-believers just 'annihilated'?" "Does someone have to be immersed in water in order to be saved? What about those who don't believe that, or who believe that immersion is 'an outward sign of an inward grace'?"

To be honest, the questions exhaust me. The extra-Biblical expectations placed on people also exhaust me, especially the expectations placed on women:  be a perfect "keeper of the home", which means household tips, how to please your husband, how to raise your kids "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (preferably by homeschooling them). 

But, when I strip it all down to what I understand the "basics" of Christianity to be, it comes out to: God loved us first. God created us in His image. God wants a relationship with us. He sent Jesus (God incarnate) to give himself as a perfect sacrifice for our sins. (I have heard Jesus' death on the cross interpreted as, "You're so awful you made God kill himself." That ignores Jesus' statement in the book of John, where Jesus himself said, no one takes my life from me but I lay it down of my own accord.")
But Jesus didn't just die for our sins. He came back to life -- the ultimate triumph over death. He went back to heaven and we're still waiting for him to come back to gather His people. 

If I accept that I'm a sinner (which I am) and I believe that Jesus came to forgive my sins (which he did), and I repent -- turn away -- from my sins, and -- I believe -- if I participate in the act of baptism upon confessing that I believe Jesus is Lord, and I want him to be in charge of my life and live how he wants me to live, then I am saved. I can call myself "child of God", "Christian," "disciple," etc.  And God will not leave me to wander in the wilderness. He gave me three things to help me: 1. The Bible, 2. the Holy Spirit, 3. Other Christians. He does expect me to turn away from my sins, but when I sin, God promises that if I confess my sins, he will forgive them. 

I do struggle with the fear of hell. Whatever hell is, I do not want to be there. More and more, though, I want to serve God because I love him back. Not because I'm afraid of what he'll do to me if I don't obey him.  He loved me first, I want to love him back. 

There are answers to questions I don't have. The longer I live, the less certainty I have. 

But after forty years? 

Even with the struggles, even with unanswered questions, even when I go "Huh?" when I hear/read certain things . . . I keep coming back to, there is a God, he is wiser than I and he knows best . . . and he loves me. He can take my pain and anger because he is bigger than my pain and anger. I don't know "why (fill in the blank)", but he does, and if he is a God of love -- which I believe he is -- I can trust him with the pain, doubt, unanswered questions, etc. that I have. 

It's been forty years of pain, struggle, sometimes triumph, questions unanswered, faith challenged.

I still choose to believe.

I still choose to put myself into the hands of a loving God. 

I look forward to more years with him.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Tina's TEOTWAWKI Journal, Day 29

Those of you my age and older, and maybe a little bit younger (I'm 56) will remember how Walter Cronkite used to end his CBS Evening News broadcasts during 1980:  "And that's the way it is, [date], the [number] day of captivity for the hostages in Iran."  (Those of you born in 1970 or after, check out this Wikipedia article.)

That's sort of how I feel in counting down the days in semi-quarantine, semi-lockdown, whatever it is you want to call it. 

I've been sick for the last couple of days.  Fortunately, I'm on the mend today and will get back into some sort of routine.  I want to start writing again, start blogging again in a consistent way.  I have my frustrations with religion (hopefully, not with God or with Jesus).  He is good.  His followers, including myself, leave much to be desired at times. 

Today is Good Friday.  Christians take today to remember the death of Jesus on the cross.  Theologians wiser and more educated than I am have spilled thousands of gallons of ink to explain all of the implications of Jesus' death on the cross.  I have a reasonably high IQ, and to be honest, I just prefer some very simple explanations at times. 

Jesus died on the cross as the perfect sacrifice for our sins -- for the bad things we do, for the ways in which we disappoint and displease God.  He did this because he chose to. He was perfect because He was God in the flesh.  God raised Him from the dead as the final victory over death.  If we believe that, if we decide that we want to do what pleases God, and we are sorry for doing what doesn't please God, we can turn to Him and say, I'm sorry for doing things that don't please you.  I want to live a life that pleases You and I need Your help to do it.  I can't do this in my own power and strength.  I need you.  And then, to show that commitment, to show that decision, we are baptized.  (I know there are differing understandings and interpretations of baptism and the necessity of baptism.  My understanding that is that "baptism" means "immersion in water in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of your sins and to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit; according to Acts 2:38 and Matthew 28:18-20.) 

And once we turn to God, He gives us the Holy Spirit to help us live as He wants us to.  His first and greatest command is to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves.  From that flows everything we are to do as Christians.

If you read my blog, if you read my social media posts, if you know me in real life, you will also know that I fall short more times than I want to admit I do.  I wish I did not.  I hurt people.  I struggle with holding grudges and with forgiving people who have hurt me.  I often think I am better than 'those people', whoever 'those people' happen to be at that particular moment.  I lose my patience with people, especially with family!  I get angry at God and demand that He explain himself.  My study of the Bible leaves much to be desired at times.  And even if I'm able to have a day where I behave perfectly . . . well, there are always the things I know to do and don't do, which, according to James 4:17,  is sin.

But there is also grace.  There is also forgiveness.  Neither of which I have earned by my good deeds.  And no, I don't want to abuse grace by saying, "I can do whatever I want because there's always grace and God will forgive!"  But I need grace because I am a sinner, I have a sinful nature, and I cannot just simply gut it out, tough it out, suck it up, make plans, lists, how-to's, to-do's, etc. to keep from sinning.  I need someone outside myself. 

Which is why I am grateful for grace.  Thankful for Good Friday and for Easter Sunday, for a God who gives it freely without demanding my performance in order to earn it.

Okay, that's my Good Friday meditation. 

But in keeping with the theme of snark, let's end with our theme song:

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Tina’s TEOTWAWKI Journal, Day 25-28

You notice that this is a multi-day recap and I am not writing daily right now.  Part of me feels guilty. Part of me does not feel guilty.  As a writer, I feel like I “should” be chronicling daily the impact of this COVID=19 virus and how it is affecting me and affecting society.

But I can’t.

Today I’m in bed.  Yesterday I got a sore throat, a minor sore throat, and I just did not feel well.  So I crawled back into bed.  This is after Monday/Tuesday when my husband and I switched offices.  Frank may have a chance to work from home, and his work is such that he needs privacy that working in our bedroom is not going to give him.  So now he has a place to work where he can shut the door and be alone.  

His office is now reasonably neat and tidy.

My office is a total shambles. 

And right now, I just do not have the energy to try and fix it. 

I did take a walk on Tuesday, after dealing with a frustrating morning with technology.  My husband needed help getting on Zoom.  My son needed help with his online assignments.  His teacher’s phone wasn’t working so couldn’t receive texts.  So when I vented to my poor BFF, she said, “You need chocolate.”

So, after I went walking, I raided Publix, and not only did I get peanut butter M & M’s, I also scored a BOGO deal on potato and corn chips AND scored two bags of flour.  

During my walk, I prayed.  I feel so selfish when I pray for myself.  And yet, I am wrestling with areas in my faith right now.  I’m not really obsessed with the question, why did God allow the coronavirus?  (Others are, and that’s understandable.). I understand that sin screwed things up when Eve ate the forbidden fruit and Adam joined her.  We’ve all been paying the consequences ever since.  I don’t believe this virus is a “judgement from God”.  He isn’t mad at us.  I think He gets angry, disappointed, and hurt at our behavior (including my behavior) and our thoughts and attitudes (including my thoughts and attitudes), but I don’t think He woke up in a bad mood and decided to inflict coronavirus on everyone.  

My frustration is with religion and with American evangelical Christianity, and it’s been building for years.  We seem to be so worried about the forms of religion, about *how* we worship, rather than *why* we worship.  We seem to be so worried about appearances.  We feel like we can’t share that we are unhappy, depressed, that we have questions about traditional teachings and traditional practices.  

This is a very crass, disgusting way to put it, but sometimes I think some Christians believe that their farts don’t stink.  

Yeah, that’s pretty shocking.  I remember hearing an interview many years ago with a Christian recording artist where he said that sometimes people think that “Christians don’t fart”.  I was shocked that he would say such a thing.  But you know something?  He’s right.  I think too many of us put on this attitude of, oh, we don’t deal with the same problems that the world does.  We’re above it all.  We can rise above anything that Satan throws at us because we’re Christians, we have God, we have the Holy Spirit; so bring it on, Satan, as long as you stay 6 feet away.  Yeah, we can handle persecution, we can handle bad times.  If someone points a gun at us and demands that we renounce our faith, we’ll say, “No way!  Go ahead and shoot.”  Because, you know, Jesus says if anyone is ashamed of me, He’ll be ashamed of them, so if you don’t pass this along to everyone in your email, Facebook list, you must be totally ashamed of Jesus!

I get tired of feeling like I have to be “spiritual” all.the.freaking.time.  I have to read only “Christian” or “spiritual” books or listen to only “spiritual” podcasts.  Know what I’m listening to right now?  A World War II podcast, where the podcaster reads the news of this day 80 years ago and then plays what would have been on the radio that day.  Yes, I did listen to my preacher’s podcast on YouTube.  I enjoy listening to him. He’s just as much on the front lines as grocery workers, doctors, nurses, and others.  And I imagine he’s wrestling with the spiritual questions just as much as I am.  He feels the responsibility to lead his flock responsibly.  I salute him.  I salute all preachers and religious workers who are wrestling and helping other people wrestle.  

But I think my sentence above sums up a lot of my frustration with American evangelical Christianity:  I feel like I have to be “spiritual” all.the.freaking.time.  My conversation has to always be about how wonderful my Bible study is, or what an awesome prayer time I’ve had, or how many people I’ve talked to about Jesus or about my faith.  I have to have a list of “spiritual”, Christian authors I have read or are reading or want to read.  As a woman, I have to speak in this soft, breathy voice, with what I’ve heard described as the “evangelical lilt” with every other word being “the Lord” this and “the Lord” that.  I need to exclaim over the latest Beth Moore or Priscilla Shirer or Christine Caine study.  What happens when I’m burned out on fill-in-the-blank ladies’ Bible studies?  What happens when you’re tired of American Christian culture?  What happens when you want to be authentic and share your struggles as well as your victories?  

American Christian culture is all about victory and about how to live the Christian life.  There’s very little room for continual struggle and questioning.  

Such are the musings of Tina from her sickbed today!  

So, all together now:  “

It’s the end of the world as we know it

It’s the end of the world as we know it

It’s the end of the world as we know it

And I feel fine!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Tina's TEOTWAWKI Journal, Day 13

When you start losing track of days, that is not a good sign.  I'm reminded of something author Corrie ten Boom did in The Hiding Place, when she was locked up in solitary confinement.  She wrote that it seemed strangely important to her not to lose track of time, so she created a homemade "knife" from a whalebone stay and used it to scratch a calendar of sorts on her cell wall. 

This has been feeling like either a Thursday or a Friday, when it's only Wednesday.  And I nearly lost track of what number I was on with this journal.  Was it day 12?  Day 13? 

There's been a lot of talk lately about faith, about, is it a lack of faith to not meet in a church building on Sundays during this outbreak?  After all, God doesn't want us to be afraid, does he?  And isn't choosing not to meet giving in to a spirit of fear?  Fear means lack of faith, and God isn't pleased with a lack of faith.

There's also been talk about, we should defy government orders and meet anyway (in response to executive orders limiting the size of group meetings to ten or less.)  After all, didn't Peter and John and the other apostles say that they must obey God rather than man? 

Lastly, doesn't the Bible say that we should not give up meeting together?  If we don't meet, and instead, rely on "online church", isn't that just the same as giving up meeting? 

Okay, I'm just going to give you my thoughts as someone who is a Christian but not a theologian.

No, I do not believe it's a lack of faith to not meet in a church building right now.  I do not believe that it's giving in to a spirit of fear.  There is a difference between irrational fear and healthy fear.  Being afraid of getting a novel (i.e. new) virus that there's no known treatment for yet is a healthy fear.  I don't want to get sick.  Therefore, I'm going to minimize my chances for getting sick by staying out of crowds.

Defying government and meeting anyway, in this case, is stupid.  We are not in the same situation that believers in China or Iran or the Middle East or North Korea are.  The preaching of the gospel of Christ is not against the law, and religious gatherings are not permanently banned.  We are being asked to temporarily refrain from meeting in a church building due to a public health risk.  This isn't a "We must obey God rather than man!" moment. 

And, the scripture referred to that says "let us not give up meeting together" really means, "let's not abandon meeting together permanently" or " let us not desert the fellowship."  Have we really given up meeting together?  No.  Many, many of us have been virtually worshiping through online services.  My own church has done that.  I could make a case for "deserting the fellowship" if we were not making any efforts to worship at all.

Lastly, I'm reminded of one of the temptations that Satan threw at Jesus when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness.  He took Jesus to one of the high points of the temple and said, "If you're the Son of God, throw yourself down.  The Scripture says that 'he will command the angels to catch you'." (my paraphrase.)

Jesus shot back, "It also says not to put the Lord your God to the test!"

God loves us and I believe he will take care of us.  That does not mean that he has an obligation to protect me if I deliberately walk out onto 285 in the middle of traffic.  For me, that would be "putting the Lord your God to the test" and I do not want to do that to Him. 

I think God is a God who expects us to use the brains and common sense that He gives us, and if that means for right now, we do not gather together in a church building, then so be it.

I miss my church family.  I miss my sister group (my ladies' Bible study).  Virtual hugs just aren't cutting it right now.  But I will get through this a day at a time, and I believe God will give me what I need as I need it. 

Take a deep breath, all, and join me in our theme song:

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Tina's TEOTWAWKI Journal, Day 10

This can not only be Day 10.  It seems like longer.  I was expecting to see a Day 20, 30, etc. 

We did our first official "online for I don't know how long" church service today. 

Annnd, so did everyone else.  Which is probably why our platform crashed and we were redirected to YouTube. 

Don, our preacher, first went to Luke 13, and talked about the woman Jesus healed in the synagogue on the Sabbath.  (How dare He!)  He pointed out something subtle in what Jesus called her, "a daughter of Abraham."

Then he went to Genesis 15, where God promised Abraham  (then Abram) that Abraham's offspring would be as numerous as the stars in the heavens.

Don then focused on four words:  "Abram believed the Lord."

Abram believed the Lord.  He believed that God would do what he promised, even though Isaac had not made his appearance yet. 

Abram, in Genesis 15, did remind God that "I remain childless, so a servant in my household will be my heir."  Uhh, you know, Lord, I'm an old man and Sarah can't have children. 

Don talked about a concept called "implicit bias", and I'm pulling this out of the top of my head because I have no notes in front of me.  Implicit bias is the way circumstances have wired us to think.  In Abraham's case, he didn't have a child and he had a barren wife.  So what could God give him? 

One of Don's points was that the way implicit bias is changed is through an intervention, which is what God gave Abraham.  He said, "Here, let me show you something."  Then He took Abraham outside and showed him the stars.  I don't know if you have ever seen the stars, the real stars, out in the middle of nowhere.  I've seen stars like that twice, once, on my 18th birthday while coming home from college and looking out the window of my sister's car while driving down US 19.  The other time was in Minnesota, where I pulled off of a road and turned my headlights off just so I could see the stars.  They are beautiful.

Abraham probably got to see the Milky Way, along with Orion and the Big Dipper and however many other constellations there are.  And he got to hear God say, "So shall your offspring be." 

God intervened.  And so Abraham believed Him, and God rewarded his faith. 

My question for myself is, Do I believe God?  I don't have a specific, deliberate promise like Abraham did; I don't have the promise of, "You will have a son in your old age."   

But what did He promise?  To be with me, to not leave me, to meet all my needs, to give me the Holy Spirit, to forgive my sins and give me eternal life with Him? 

I'm one of those who has a hard time believing.  I'm rather cynical when it comes to religion and sometimes I'm skeptical when it comes to modern-day Christianity, i.e. the religion we have made it. 

But when it comes down to God, and Jesus, and can He be trusted? 

That part, I believe. 

Even though I am currently using this as my snarky theme song: 

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it

And I feel fine!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Tina's TEOTWAWKI Journal, Day 7

Was it really a week ago that people mobbed the stores, determined to get what they could?  Because we were afraid that this virus was going to keep us from getting what we needed when we needed it?

Just a week ago that my son came home from school for the last time until the end of March, and maybe longer? 

My friend Laura writes a column for her local paper.  The column coming out on Sunday will be about "the new abnormal", as she calls it, and it's a perfect phrase. 

I already know that I can count on getting very little done in the mornings, because mornings are when my son gets his digital learning assignments and I will be his main resource as to how to do them. 

I also know that I will need to keep working because there is still plenty of proofing work to do. 

It's very odd, this new world that we have entered, where its history will not necessarily be recorded in textbooks but in Facebook memes and Twitter posts.  Where suddenly, social media and streaming services are a necessity to keep working and to fight boredom.  Where Netflix and the European Union are talking about dropping HD programming for the moment because so many people are doing online streaming. 

Today a Filipino Christian commented that a baptism he'd planned had been canceled due to the COVID-19 virus.  They are being ordered to stay one meter apart, they cannot go past a police checkpoint, and violating the law will lead to a fine and/or imprisonment.  Many Filipino Christians are living hand to mouth and they literally cannot afford to break the law. 

I saw at least one person say, "Baptize the person anyway!  What if they die?"

Several comments also followed, where the Filipino Christian explained about the fines and someone asked, don't you have a congregation that could take up a collection?  (My comment:  Don't suggest to these people that they break the law unless you are going to help them with the consequences, legal, monetary, and other.) 

My suggestion?  Maybe the person wanting to get baptized can give the confession to someone standing a meter away, then dunk themselves in water?  Or, perhaps they can live stream their baptism? 

This is a situation I had not thought about that could result from this virus:  how do you baptize when you are not allowed to be around people in public?  Or when being near people is a literal health hazard?   

We are going to have to get very creative in the days and weeks that follow if we really want to help people turn to Christ in this midst of this pandemic.  One person who commented on my wall said that we in Churches of Christ have not done a very good job of thinking through what to do when one could not be baptized (not when one is unwilling to do so, but when they are unable to do so.) 

I do strongly believe in the importance of baptism.  I don't want to get into a theological discussion here, but if you take a look at the book of Acts and if you look at conversions described in detail, they all talk about baptism. 

I also believe that God is a God of grace, and that he knows and understands the heart of someone who desires to follow Him.  Surely there are ways He will make for those who want to do so. 

Okay, everyone, here we go again:

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

This is normal?

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

I read that statement two nights ago while scrolling through Twitter and was astonished at my absolute visceral reaction of rage to it.

That sentence comes from a new forward to Joan Ryan's book Little Girls In Pretty Boxes, which details the toxic environment that gymnasts and figure skaters are too often subjected to.  American gymnast Jamie Dantzscher, who wrote the new forward, describes the verbal and emotional abuse she endured while training for the Olympic Games.  She made the women's gymnastics team for the 2000 Olympic Games, they placed fourth overall . . . and were made to feel like complete failures.  She trained with numerous injuries and when she told her coaches that she was hurt, they didn't believe her. 

She was also one of the over 200 women abused by Dr. Larry Nassar, and one of the first to file a civil lawsuit against him. 

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

I've never been sexually abused.  But I know where my visceral reaction of rage came from. 

It came from the fact that the abuse I suffered--the abuse from being bullied and from being spiritually abused--was absolutely normalized.

The bullied are told, like I was, that they should just "ignore it" or "tell an adult" or "stand up to them" or "it's just part of life, suck it up and get over it" or "they do it because they're jealous of you" or "they just have low self-esteem and this is the way they build themselves up" and, if the victims are Christians, they are told, "forgive them and turn the other cheek".  They are also told that "no one likes a tattletale or a snitch" and "if you fight back, you will be the one punished and the bullies will not be".

In the meantime, the pushes and shoves, the gossip and the embarrassing questions, the blocking in the hallway and the torment in gym class go on and on.

"Only in an environment in which abuse of all kinds is normalized could sexual abuse on this scale happen."

The spiritually abused are told, "we are the only ones with the truth" or "if you leave us, you leave God" or "The Bible says to rebuke others when they sin" or "You need to be held accountable" or "The Bible says you need to be bold in sharing your faith" or "They're your leaders and you must submit to them, even if they are ungodly" or "When you get married, you can't leave your husband even if he beats you" or "If you don't show up to every single meeting of 'the body' you are uncommitted and in danger of falling away". 

The spiritually abused are expected to put up with harsh sermons, blasting, yelling, orders to "push through" exhaustion and illness, and questioned as to why they didn't get up early in the morning to have a 'quiet time', why they didn't invite anyone to church that day, why they struggle so much with depression, why can't you just repent of your sin and move on?

Yesterday I asked myself the question, what is normal faith?

I understand that Christianity is counter-culture by its very nature.  I follow a man who claimed to be God and whose followers claim that he died and he was raised from the dead.  His followers taught that we needed to love one another and not repay evil for evil.  In an environment where the emperor was worshiped as God, they were taught to honor the emperor but confess Jesus as Lord and worship him only.  In today's culture of "tolerance" and "there are many ways to get to God", Jesus says that no one comes to the Father except through him.  If you want to be popular with the "in crowd", Christianity is not the way to go. 

But is normal faith being told that you have to walk up to strangers on the street, or go up to every cashier you meet, and invite them to church, otherwise, you are disobeying God's command to be bold? 

Does normal faith involve putting up with the advances of a leader because "he's your leader and you have to submit"? 

Is normal faith attending every single gathering of a body of believers even when you are exhausted down to the bone marrow and can barely put one foot in front of the other? 

In normal faith, is "forgiveness" defined as, "I say I'm sorry, you say I forgive you, and we both pretend it never happened?" in cases of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse?

What is normal faith?  There are times I just don't know. 

When abuse of all kinds is normalized, not just sexual abuse on a grand scale can happen, but any kind of abuse:  bullying, spiritual abuse, emotional/verbal abuse between spouses or between boss/employee or any kind of leader/follower. 

It is time for us to stop normalizing abuse.  Bullying is not to be normalized.  Neither is sexual abuse.  Neither is spiritual abuse. 

It should never be normal for someone to go to school and be afraid that their lunch will be stolen, that they will be gossiped about, that they will be pushed and shoved in the hallways . . . and it should never be normal that when they tell an adult, the adult won't believe them.

It should never be normal for someone to be tense around other Christians because they're afraid of being rebuked for not inviting a large number of people to church or Bible study.  Or, for not living up to the standard that the leader has set. 

Abuse is not normal.  And it never should be.

Not in any environment.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Sit, Christian, sit!

Some time back, a Facebook friend of mine, Bobby Valentine, wrote a Facebook post about the concept of "precision obedience".  The concept goes something like this:  God has precise requirements and he expects us to obey them precisely.  Or, God wants us to do exactly what he says exactly the way he says it.

This got my attention.  I'm a Christian, and I want to obey God.  What Christian doesn't?  Wouldn't it be good to "precisely" obey God?

So I did a trusty Google search of the phrase, "precision obedience".

Know what else came up in my search, besides articles on the teaching of "precision obedience"?

Dog training.

Yes, this doctrine, that we are supposed to do "exactly" what God says "exactly" the way he says it, apparently is on the same level as teaching Rover, Fido, and Spot how to sit, stand, heel, lie down, roll over, and play dead!

Does this mean that we have to do "exactly" what God says "exactly" the way he says it and be rewarded with the spiritual equivalent of a doggy treat?

Look, I get that God calls us to obey him.  Jesus himself said, "If you love me, you will obey my commandments."  We are called to obedience and we are called to a particular standard of living, a particular "code of conduct", if you will, as Christians. 

But here's my problem with the whole concept of "precision obedience".

One, it's not possible.  No one can "precisely obey" anything.  I found it interesting that this article about "precision obedience" appealed to the book of Deuteronomy -- the "second giving" of the Jewish law -- to support the argument that yes, we are called to "precisely obey" what God says.  Apparently the writer forgot that the purpose of the law was to lead us to Christ, and now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law (Galatians 3:25).

Two, how do you quantify "precision obedience"?  Jesus himself said that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself.  (Matthew 22:36-40, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27.)  How do you measure love?  How do you "precisely obey" the command to "love your neighbor as yourself"?  Is there a standard that you can point to that says, you "precisely" obeyed the command to love?

Three, and this is my biggest problem with this entire concept:

Who decides?

Who decides what "precision obedience" is?  And do not tell me, "God decides," because there are plenty of places that he doesn't give us precise guidelines of what to do.  He tells us to "love our neighbor".  He doesn't tell us exactly how to do it.  He tells us to "forgive as the Lord forgave you".  He doesn't give us a formula of how to forgive.  (Believe me, I wish he had!)

Are you not "precisely obeying" if you drop off your church contribution at the office on Friday instead of putting it in the offering plate on Sunday?  Or, if you do your contribution by direct deposit instead of putting in the offering plate? 

If you do Sunday School first and then worship service, are you "precisely obeying"?

What about if you use an overhead projector instead of hymnbooks?

What if you use multiple cups for communion instead of one?  Or pass a plate that has BOTH the bread and the grape juice on it, instead of passing a plate with bread and then passing a plate with juice cups?

And don't get me started on instrumental music.  (For those who comment that the early church didn't use instruments, the early church also didn't use four-part harmony.  If we REALLY want to do things the way the first century did, we'd be singing in something similar to Gregorian chant!)

Although the desire to find out what God wants us to do and to do it is right--and we should find out what God wants us to do and then do it!--this whole concept of "precision obedience" is nothing more than salvation by law-keeping.  Paul wrote an entire book, the book of Galatians, on the fallacy of salvation by the law.  And James wrote that anyone who keeps the whole law but stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (James 2:10)  Peter, in the book of Acts, refers to law-keeping as a yoke that neither they nor their ancestors were able to bear (Acts 15:10). 

"Precision obedience" puts a believer, metaphorically speaking, on a tightrope walking over Niagara Falls.  One slip, and they're doomed!  They will fall into the bubbling waters of Lake Ontario, and the Maid of the Mist will probably not be there to catch them. 

This whole idea of "precision obedience" reminds me of the very end of Family Ties, although I'd probably change it to the following:

"Sit, Christian, sit!"

"Good dog."

Woof!

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

If there is no God, then . . .

"If there is no God, then . . ."

I've been mulling over that phrase lately. 

One of my biggest questions is, "Who's right?" as in, "Everyone believes they are right and can prove it by Scripture, but too often, people come to diametrically opposed conclusions.  They can't all be right.  So who's right?"

One answer I thought of was, "If there wasn't a God, I wouldn't have to worry about that question!" 

Well, that would be easy.  If there is no God, I wouldn't have to worry about the question of "who's right?" 

Last night I Googled the phrase, "if there is no God" and one of the hits I got was from a Huffington Post article by Sam Harris, an outspoken atheist who's the author of many books, including The End of Faith.  For him, the argument against a God boils down to:  If there is a God, he either has no power to prevent or end suffering and disaster -- or he does and just doesn't care to use it. 

I am going to pull what is probably a cop-out and say, I don't know why God doesn't prevent pain and suffering.  That is way beyond my pay grade, and I am very impatient with simplistic answers to the very real problem of evil. 

But last night, as I noodled the question of, "if there is no God, then . . .", it hit me that if there is no God, then any wisdom, any knowledge, any comfort, any strength I have can only come from me and from the people around me.  If there is no God, no Supreme Being, no Higher Power, then all I have to rely on is outside knowledge I get from the world around me, and the only people I can rely on are those around me.  And if they are anything like me, they may not have the wisdom I need or the answers I need.

I know myself.  I am a poor source of strength, wisdom and knowledge.  If I only have myself to rely on, I am going to get in real trouble, real fast. 

There are a lot of answers I don't have.  I haven't fully solved the question of "who's right?" and I can't even begin to give anyone answers to the questions of "why evil?"  I can tell you that Adam and Eve screwed up in the Garden of Eden and we've all been paying the price ever since.  I can't tell you why the shooting in Parkland, Florida happened on Wednesday.  I can't tell you why a mother and son died in a freak accident in 2009.  Oh, I can give you the clinical details--a 19-year-old picked up an assault rifle and started shooting; a tire blew on a freeway and a van flipped over.  But why that van?  Why a shooting in that particular place?  I don't know.

And I can't say that I'll never revisit the dark valley of depression.  I have the illness, and it strikes at very inopportune times.  It's why I visit a doctor and a counselor and why I take medicine. 

But if I have to rely on what is only within myself, I won't make it.  I have to have--I need to have--something that is outside myself, something that is greater than I am, stronger, wiser, and a lot more compassionate than I am. 

Why the God of the Bible, then?

I confess that part of it is the fear of hell--I'm not a fan of eternal punishment--but if I understand Christianity, God gave first.  He gave Himself first, in the form of his Son, Jesus, and He asks us to give ourselves back to Him in return.  Other religions ask us to give, but did their god give themselves first?  Do they demand sacrifice and adherence to their way of living without giving them the supernatural power to do so? 

My questioning isn't over.  But I do have at least one answer to, "if there is no God, then . . ."

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Looking for revival?

"Anybody here looking for revival?"

This is the question that starts off the title song of Third Day's new album, "Revival".

I heard this song for the first time the other day while playing the radio in my car.  It's catchy, and it's a throwback to good-old Southern rock gospel.  


Anybody here looking for revival
In our own hearts and across the land?
Anybody looking for a revival
Lift up your voice and say Amen
Lift up your voice and say Amen
If I were at a Third Day concert and heard that song, I'd be clapping along, tapping my feet, and at the end of the verse, I'd be lifting up my voice and saying, "Amen!" along with the rest of the crowd.  I mean, I'm a Christian.  What Christian doesn't want "revival", especially in this day and age, where it seems like wrong has become right and right has become wrong?
But then Mac Powell's voice continues to sing out:

Ain't gonna find it in a politician
Not from the government or any law
Can't get it going by your own religion
Only by the Spirit and the Word of God
Only by the Spirit and the Word of God
Come with me
Come on with me, yeah!

I think we are all guilty of looking for a human "savior".  We want rescue, and we'd prefer someone to do the rescuing.  And there are times we need rescuing.  I needed rescue from sin.

Since the 2008 election, I think we've been guilty of looking for "revival" in a politician. People voted for Barack Obama because they wanted hope and change and thought he'd give it to them.  Only history will show whether or not he was a great, average, or poor president.

In 2016, the pendulum flipped, and people put their hopes for "revival" on the shoulders of Donald Trump.  To borrow Dr. Phil's catchphrase, "How's that working for you?"

Government and politics will NOT give us revival.  A "Christian nation" is not going to give us revival.  We can have all the prayer in school we want, we can put up the Ten Commandments on every courthouse lawn/wall in the nation, but this is NOT going to give us revival.

You can work all you want but you might not see it
Give all you got but it can't be bought
Try everything but you best believe it's
Only by the Spirit and the Word of God
Only by the Spirit and the Word of God
Come with me
Come on with me, yeah!

Church programs, as good as they are, are not going to give us revival.  Simply having more people darkening the doors of a church isn't going to give us revival.  And I hate to disappoint my Church of Christ brethren and sisteren, but a strict adherence to a cobbled-together "pattern of worship" isn't going to give us revival, either.  Neither will adding an instrumental service. :-) 

So, Tina, what's going to bring revival?

Notice the refrain?

Only by the Spirit and the Word of God.

I think we can look for and pray for revival.  But God's going to move when God's going to move, and we cannot force his hand or manipulate him.  I think there's a difference between saying to God, I want revival, and doing things so that we can say to God, "Hey! Look what we're doing!  Now are you going to send us a revival?"

Where does revival start?

If we want Christian revival, if we want a "move of God" across the land, if we really want people to know God, confess their sins, receive the Holy Spirit, and follow God . . . what do we do?

Well, I think it starts with me.

I'm not called to be a minster or preacher in the pulpit.  I'm a writer and proofreader, mother and wife. :-)  But I am called to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength, and I can only do that through the Spirit of God.  I can't conjure up "revival".  I can only ask God for the help I need desperately. 

Anybody here looking for revival?
I am.  And it starts with me.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Snapping

Recently, I snapped.

And I snapped at, of all places, a Christian women's conference.

Recently, my church hosted the "If:Gathering", a Christian women's conference that was livestreamed to hundreds of churches around the world.  It featured speakers such as Jill Briscoe, Jennie Allen, Ann Voskamp, and Lysa TeuKeurst.  About 200 women came to the event at our church, including many that were not members.   (My "snapping" shouldn't be construed as a comment on the conference itself, nor a reflection on the hard work of the women who were involved in putting it on.)

During one of the discussion sessions (where the livestreaming stopped), one of the suggested questions to ask was, what kind of pressures do you feel?

I asked that question to three other women around me.  I said that I felt shamed from both sides of the aisle:  from the belief that I'm somehow a traitor to the sisterhood because I'm not in a high-powered executive position to the belief that I'm not a "real" Christian woman because I don't have a lot of kids, don't homeschool, and work part-time.

I also have a lot of faith issues that I have struggled with over the years.

All of my frustration over faith, Christian womanhood, and other issues spilled out in one sentence:

"I want to be a good Christian but I don't know how!"

The women around me were very reassuring, and one of them reminded me that only God could judge me, not anyone else.

The Monday after the conference, I shared this event with the man that my husband and I go see every month for counseling.  The counselor asked me, what was a good Christian?

I started with, a good Christian woman gets up before the rest of her family and has her quiet time.

Frank objected, telling me that he didn't think the Bible commanded us to get up early in the morning in order to have a "quiet time."

My immediate response was, "Morning by morning I lay my requests before you," which is my paraphrase of a verse from one of the Psalms.  That's a verse that's been used to "prove" that you should get up first thing in the morning and pray.  Also, Jesus did it (Mark chapter 1, he got up early in the morning while it was still dark.)

I went on to describe the rest of my vision of a "good Christian woman" -- she prays for everyone except herself, because that's selfish; makes sure her husband and kids are fed well before going off to work and school; she homeschools because God forbid that you send a child to "godless public schools" unless it's for the specific purpose of being "salt and light".  She prepares herself before her husband comes home, and she'd better look good because if he doesn't have something good to come home to, he'll go looking for it somewhere else and you'll be responsible for driving him into the arms of another woman.  After she puts the kids to bed, she spends time with her husband; and if he wants sex, she'd better give it to him because if she turns him down, he'll go off and have an affair with another woman and it'll be your fault!

Not only that, you need to be at church every.single.time the doors are open, and the only acceptable excuses are illness and childbirth--and those, just barely.

Our counselor said to me that he heard a "plaintive cry" from me.  I added, "And it doesn't help when everyone lies.  The movement I was part of in college lied.  The movement I went to to get away from that lied."  People use the name of Jesus to lie.  (Not everyone who uses the name of Jesus lies, but there are people who do just that.)

So what's the answer?  Read the Bible and pray, right?

Well, first, which Bible?  I can't read Attic Greek, which was the language that the New Testament was written in; nor can I read ancient Hebrew or Aramaic, which is what the Old Testament was written in.  I have to rely on an English translation.  Let's see, there's the NIV, the RSV, the KJV, the NRSV, the ASV, the NASV, the Message, the HCSB . . . and, if you're brave enough, THE KJV 1611 version, which many consider to be THE only true authorized Scripture!

And even then, when I pick up the Bible and read, there's things that are pretty straightforward (like "love one another", "forgive as the Lord forgave you,") but if I pick up the Bible and just do a straight reading, there is nothing there that explains to me the period of time or the cultural context in which it was written.  I have to rely on people who know--or say they know--about Biblical history, Biblical culture, and Biblical languages.

Supposedly, the way you interpret the Bible is, what did it mean to the original audience?  But:  1) how do you determine the original audience, and 2) who decided that that was one of the principles of interpretation?  I have also heard of a so-called "spiritual" interpretation of the Bible, which I have no idea what it means, but it's one way that supposedly "proves" that Jesus came back in 70 AD, when the Jerusalem Temple was destroyed.

If I'm reading an English Bible, I'm dependent upon the work of a translator.  How do I know that the English Bible I'm holding in my hands is translated accurately?  The KJV 1611 was supposedly "translated from the original Greek".  But since then, there have been older manuscripts discovered that will affect translations made before those manuscripts were found.

And HOW do you determine which commands were only for the audience that a particular book of the Bible was written to and which ones are for all Christians, for all time?

My biggest bugaboo is, everyone believes they are right and can "prove" it by Scripture, but too often, the conclusions that people come to are diametrically opposed to each other.  So how do you know who's right?

I have really felt like, lately, that I need a doctorate in theology, plus a minor in Biblical Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic, to know what the Bible "really" says.  I'm reasonably intelligent.  I know how to use different Bible tools such as a interlinear Bible and a dictionary of Biblical words and terms.  I know how to use a concordance.  But putting it all together so that I really understand how God wants me to live and to worship?  And putting it all together so that I can discern true doctrine from false doctrine?  I sometimes think it's impossible.

We argue about everything, and I mean, everything.  My religious tradition, Churches of Christ, argues over instrumental music, whether or not you can have a kitchen in the building, what the role of baptism is, in what order to do worship (communion before or after the sermon?), how communion is passed (are bread and juice passed separately, or is it okay to pass them together?), are we allowed to take communion more than once a week?  Other Christian denominations argue about what "modest dress" is, whether or not women can preach (don't get me started on this one, I don't have the energy to fight), the differences between Calvinism and Arminianism, and on and on and on and on.

I have read my Bible, prayed, looked up Scriptures, attended retreats, conferences, seminars, gatherings, church services, small group meetings, asked questions, gone to counselors, and talked to people until I am practically blue in the face, and I am no nearer to getting my conclusions figured out than I was when I started.  I believe God exists and I believe Jesus is his son, and salvation is only through him.  But anything else?  (I do admit, I'm very good at "yes butting", as in, "Yes, but . . .")

I'm afraid of getting it wrong and going to hell because I got it wrong.  I am afraid of being shamed by other Christians for my conclusions.  I'm afraid of going before Jesus on Judgment Day and then, and only then, discovering that I'm not getting in because I got one little jot or tittle of the New Testament wrong.  "You believed in Jesus, repented of your sins, and were baptized by immersion for the forgiveness of your sins, but you gave your contribution monthly instead of weekly, and you should have figured out that I meant for you to give your contribution weekly because of what Paul wrote the Corinthian church:  you should set aside a sum of money on the first day of the week.  So, sorry, you don't get in."

And when I've seen the question of legalism raised, I've seen the response, "But what about obedience?"  Does obedience equal how well you precisely follow some sort of Biblical pattern?  (I have heard of the concept of "precision obedience", meaning, doing exactly what God says exactly the way he says it.)

And, when someone teaches a lesson, or writes down a Bible study . . . how do I know that there's not some sort of hidden agenda there?  Or whether or not I'm being led to a predetermined conclusion?

Okay, the answer is probably, "You need to make up your own mind," "You need to study it out," "You need to learn to think for yourself and come to your own conclusions."  But I often think that when we say that to people, what we are really saying is, "Study it out and come to your own conclusions . . . as long as I agree with them."

And to be honest, the idea of "studying it out" brings to mind piles of reference books, pages of note-taking, and hours and hours of research that I just do not have the time or the energy for.  So that leaves me even more overwhelmed.

No wonder I'm frustrated.

No wonder I'm tired.

No wonder I'm overwhelmed.

No wonder I snapped.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Worship Wednesday: The stuff we argue over . . .

I recently joined a Facebook group of Church of Christ bloggers.  One of the first posts I read was about Christians drinking wine.  The blogger believes Christians shouldn't drink wine at all.

I can respect his viewpoint.  I don't drink wine, beer, etc, because I don't know how much it would take for me to get drunk, and I'd rather not take the chance.

But on the group, the discussion quickly turned to, "Well, Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana."  From there, the question became:  "Was the wine alcoholic, or non-alcoholic?"

I've heard this argument before, which, as I see it, boils down to:  Drinking wine is a sin because you might get drunk on the alcohol content.  Yet, Jesus turned water into wine.  Jesus wouldn't sin, nor would he tempt anyone to sin.  If drinking wine is a sin because you might get drunk on the alcohol . . . then the wine that Jesus created must not have alcohol.  Problem solved!

However, wine is inherently alcoholic.  There is no such thing as "non-alcoholic" wine.

I'm not sure if the post is still on the group, but at last count, the number of responses to it was over 100.

I really don't feel like going down the rabbit hole of the argument of "was the wine in Jesus' day alcoholic or non-alcoholic".

Nor do I feel like going down the rabbit hole of the common arguments of Churches of Christ, such as instruments in worship, the "five acts of worship", etc. etc. etc. etc.  That's not the point of this post.

I just find it interesting that we can get so wound up over topics such as the alcohol content of the wine in Jesus' day, on whether or not we can use instruments in worship, on specifically what we can and can't do in worship . . . and in the meantime, we look at the world and see that it's lost and dying, that people starve daily, both physically and spiritually; that people are almost literally at each other's throats over this election; that people are fleeing death and persecution . . .

And we sit here, in our Christian bubbles, pointing fingers and arguing about what I see as inconsequentials.  (And when I say "we", I also mean "I".  I'm probably one of the most "bubbled-in" Christians that I know.)

I honestly think that if the worst happened and we Christians were forced to meet in secret, we Church of Christers would spend so much time arguing about the "authorized" way to worship that we would end up not worshiping at all!

If you feel led to comment here, I don't want to hear the arguments about how to worship, about wine vs. grape juice, about instrumental music, etc. etc.  Can we not focus on what Jesus' first and second commands were, which are, "Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself"?

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Manic Monday on Wednesday: Easier or better?

(I've been dealing with fatigue and didn't get to write this on Monday.)

In discussing the upcoming election, I read a Facebook post saying that the US would be better off with "a man of God" at the helm.  The post was greeted with at least one "Amen!" and several agreements.

I posted in response that while I understood the sentiment, the early Christian church grew during a time when the person "at the helm" was far from a man of God.  It might be easier for the US if a "man of God" was at the helm, but would it be better for us?

This is a bit related to my other post today, asking if what we want is our good or our convenience.  It would be convenient if a "man of God" was at the helm of the US, but I wonder if it would be for our good.

First off, what do we mean by having "a man of God" at the helm of our country?  Do we want someone who is visibly Christian, who makes a point of showing that he/she goes to church every Sunday and who invokes the name of God at every opportunity?  Do we want a member of a "high church", such as Catholic or Presbyterian; or do we want a member of a "low church", such as Baptist or Pentecostal?  If a Catholic got into office, would the Baptists protest that a "man of God" was NOT in the Presidency?  And what about vice versa?

Second off, what else "proves" that this person is a "man of God"?  If he/she sends troops into a country, or withdraws troops?  If they advocate for more social programs, or for fewer?  If they speak out against gun violence or remain silent?  If they support #blacklivesmatter, #bluelivesmatter, or #alllivesmatter?

Third off, if a person is a Democrat, does that automatically mean that he/she is NOT a "man of God"? Can only a conservative Republican be a "man of God"?  Can only a white, male, conservative Republican be a man of God?

Fourth off, will this "man of God" have to support prayer/Bible reading in schools in order to be considered a "man of God"?

The early Christian church began during a time in history when the person "at the helm" was definitely not a "man of God".  The ruler in the Roman Empire, where the early Christian church began, was a Roman emperor whose word was law and whose word was enforced at sword point. Christianity also began in an area, Judea, where Jewish law reigned supreme.  It was in this context that the Apostle Paul enjoined fellow Christians to "submit themselves to the governing authorities" (Romans 13:1) and to pray for those in authority over them (I Timothy 2:2).  I Peter 2:17 also tells Christians to "fear God, honor the emperor".

Granted, the Bible does also share the stories of those who did defy those who ordered people not to preach and teach in the name of Jesus (see Acts 4 and Acts 5).  Paul himself was arrested for putting his hope in the resurrection of the dead (Acts 23:6, Acts 24:21).

This was the context in which the early Christian church grew, a context where the government was tolerant at best and hostile at worst.  No "man of God" was at the helm here.

I admit to worrying about the future of this country, and perhaps we would be better off with "a man of God" at the helm.

But do we want to be "better off", or do we just want to make life easier for ourselves?  Do we want to have our Christian culture, where we can drive with ease to the nearest Christian bookstore, church hop on Sundays until we find one to our liking (which, too often, means "one that makes me feel good"), turn up our Christian music, and put our fish magnets on the back of our car?

Or do we really want to be "better off", where "better off" may mean having our faith tested and challenged?

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.

Worship Wednesday: Good or convenient?

I was suppposed to have a doctor's appointment on Monday.  It got rescheduled for Thursday.  This particular doctor is very allergic to strong scents, and when people make appointments with her, they are told not to wear perfumes or smelly lotions.  Her house suffered a sewage backup (probably related to the recent rains we had here) and she had an allergic reaction to the chemicals used to clean it up, bad enough to send her to the hospital.

The first thing I did upon getting that phone call and getting the appointment rescheduled was think, "Good.  I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights.  I can go back to bed and take a nap!"  (That didn't work very well.  I was able to rest but not sleep.)

Then I thought, "I wonder if God worked it out that way.  He must have known that I needed some rest, so he arranged for my appontment to be rescheduled."

It made me think about the verse in Romans 8:28, where "all things work together for the good of those who love God".  When I think of "things working together for my good", however, do I mean "for my good" or "for my convenience"?

Did God somehow arrange for my doctor to get sick just so I could have the rest I needed?  And if she hadn't gotten sick and I'd gone to the appointment, would God not have been "working for my good"?

Sometimes I wonder if we see God as a micromanager, working out all of our circumstances for our convenience.  I know that plenty of my prayers are often for my convenience, "please let my circumstances work out the way I want them to".  Not that it's wrong to pray those prayers.  I think God hears, and God acts according to what is best.  But what I think is for my good may not be what God thinks is for my good.

I have a child with autism.  I have the days where I despair about his future, and where I get very frustrated with his constant talk about game shows, crime shows, and his other interests.  There are certain things I pray about regarding my son.  If God does not answer the way I want him to, does that mean that he's not working for my good?

Or, if I pray for a particular parking space and I don't get it, does that also mean that God is not working for my good?

Is what I want for my "good", or is it only for my "convenience"?  Sometimes I don't always know the difference.  And I pray to be able to discern that.

Because God will work for my good, but just not always for my convenience.

Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.